« I just don’t understand how you can feel fine about it. »
She was starting to see red. Her tiny college dorm, with Lisa lying on the carpet, felt like a posters-filled prison.
« I never said I felt fine. I certainly don’t think it’s nothing, I’m not saying it’s right. It’s just… I don’t know, he told me he apologized. That she accepted the apology. » justified Lisa.
« What exactly did he apologize for? » she answered, cynically
« Come on don’t act like that. She said it was fine. That it was a spur of the moment, that it wasn’t like him. She said she didn’t feel like making a big deal about it. »
« Oh so it’s not a big deal? ». She felt like punching the wall. Obviously he was allowed to. She, on the other hand… ‘You’re making a drama out of this’, they had said.
« Of course it’s not nothing, but it’s been a while already! She said it’s ok, that she forgave. We don’t even know what happened in there. Why are you still making a thing out of this? »
« Oh. We don’t know what happened in there? I think I know exact… »
« Stop it. I don’t want to talk about it. It’s there. It happened. We all made our peace with it. He said he apologized, she said it’s nothing. That’s the way it is. »
She felt her mouth open, as if prepared to scream. It took her a second to breath before committing the ultimate crime. Speaking too loud. Lisa didn’t let her the time to actually answer.
« What are you gonna do? Throw a protest? A month after? »
She had thought about it. Lisa knew that. Now she was just toying with her.
« Listen, if you want to throw a fit and act like an activist, go ahead. It’s your head on the line. But all of us, everyone at this school, we’re a network. A community. We’re gonna work together. Create companies together. Throw dinner parties together. Marry each other. If you want to be remembered as the one who decided to go against one of us when Sarah said she was fine, go ahead. That’s your loss. Might as well don’t even go to class. »
« She’s not even looking at us in the eyes, Lisa. How can you say she is fine? »
« Of course she is. She’s with us at every party! They even danced together last Friday. » She wanted to tell her that if a dozen drinks were what it took for her to hang out, she definitely was not fine. But it didn’t matter anymore. Obviously.

She left Lusa with a bitter taste in her mouth. She went home and changed. Changed, because it was Thursday again. And on Thursday, we go out.
She sighed.
She started to feel claustrophobic as soon as she opened the door. The red neon lights of the large living room, already filled with students drinking joyfully, left her with a lingering impression of being trapped. She didn’t really have the time to focus on it, as someone grabbed her by the sleave of her dress as soon as she entered.
“Ok don’t go mad.” Zoe started
“What?”
“He’s here with the others. Don’t go mad. They’re in the kitchen. He brought a keg, so I couldn’t really do anything. We were starting to go low.”
“I’m sorry, you couldn’t do…”
“Don’t start. I’m just warning you. He’s here, he’s gonna stay an hour, 2 hours top. But I’m here, we’re gonna dance together, it’s all cool.”
“Did you warn all the other girls in the room?”. She sounded mad. She was. Zoe had felt it the minute she started to open her mouth, but she still wanted to emphasize that.
“I… Really? I’m just telling you. A thank you would be nice.”
She almost laughed.
“You told me he had been weird with you before, so now you know.” Zoe continued “Stop. Don’t make this about me. Am I the only one thinking that a ra…”
“He’s not.”
“Ok fine. That Sam should not be allowed in a party with girls?”
“You know, you are making this whole thing about you. No one else is creating tensions but you these days. Everyone just thinks you had a crush on him until it happened, and that you’re just mad he didn’t pick you.”
“Pick me to do what exactly?”
“Well, to…”
She didn’t want to hear Zoe scramble with words for another 10 minutes. Besides, she already knew what everyone was saying.
“I’m just going to get myself a drink, because I don’t want to create a scene with you next. Ok?” She just answered.
Red cups already filled every flat surface in the kitchen. And Sarah was here, putting another one down. She hesitated for a second. They had been friends, a month ago. Sarah didn’t live on campus, so every other day, she would sleep in her room, if she had a class starting early, or if they partied until late. This arrangement had ended abruptly, the moment she had taken her apart and said: “You know that’s not normal, right?”. Sarah had barely answered and left, leaving her with her thoughts. “I just don’t want everyone to see me as that girl, you know?” she had told her. Her following arguments had fallen into a void. She had thought about warning the administration, despite rumors travelling like lightning even among the staff. But they had all told her…
“That’s not your place.” “It would ruin him.” 
“Why would you say that?”
“He didn’t mean to.” “That’s not what happened.”

So she hadn’t. Seeing Sarah drink down another cup made her want to throw up. She wanted to go to her and ask. She didn’t know what to ask, or what to do. She didn’t know what kind of help she could even be. Maybe a hug would do for now. She took a step towards her when someone grabbed her by the arm again. Startled, she realized she had kept her eyes fixed on Sarah for a couple of minutes now.
“Hey.” Said the boy who held on to her arm.
She hated his voice. Sam had also been a friend before. They weren’t close, but they had grabbed a drink once or twice. He was always there. He was part of the group. The network, as Lisa had put it. She didn’t answer as he let go of her arm.
“Can we talk?” he added
She nodded and followed him upstairs. Her mind was still stuck on Sarah. It took her another minute to shake off her thought. They were in a room now.
“Listen, I guess people talk a lot. But I wouldn’t be talking so much if I didn’t think there was something wrong in the way you acted with Sa…”
“Oh come on. Is that really what’s going on here?” he interrupted her.
“I’m sorry, what?”
“You know, I’m starting to think that you’re jealous, seeing how much you’ve taken an interest in my private life…”
Something gleamed in his eyes. She thought of the people downstairs. And the music. “I…”
He focused on her red lips for an instant. And then he closed the door.


She kept her head down when entering the dean's office. She had let her hair down too, covering a red mark on her collarbone. She couldn’t look at the headmistress in the eyes as she gave her dropping-out forms.
“May I ask you for the reason of this sudden decision, Miss ?”
She forced herself to meet the woman’s eyes. “I’m just not sure I belong in this community. ”
She paused.
“You should know… You’ll be getting a call from the authorities within a few days.”
She didn’t smile back at Lisa when she crossed her on campus, a suitcase in her hand.